Mars Needs Water Engineers!

When my good friends Rachel and Katie invited me to contribute to a bog, I must admit I was puzzled. Everyone knows Mars is desert and has hardly any wetlands! From my study of Earth literature I remembered this poem by the 19th century American poet Emily Dickinson, which I quoted from memory:

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us--don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.

How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

"I've heard of princesses kissing frogs, but why should I wish to become like one?" I asked. "And to be banished, or else to be admired in a bog... well, I'm with Ms. Dickinson, it sounds dreary!"
Then Katie explained to me what a blog is, and I agreed to write for it, but only if it serves the greater good of the Red Planet. If I could only be a nobody, trust me, that's what I'd do! But my not-so-good friend, Senator Syzygy, told me that blogging would be beneath my royal dignity. So I fed him into the boiling crater of our biggest volcano, Olympus Mons.
NO! I'M JUST KIDDING! WE DON'T HAVE HUMAN SACRIFICE ANYMORE!
I'm afraid I haven't addressed my assigned topic, which was a story Rachel gave  me, written by the mysterious Earth-American writer, Martin Berman-Gorvine, set in a fictional "United States of America" on an alternate version of early 21st century Earth. I must admit I found it baffling that even fictional, alternate-universe people could mess up their government so badly that they would stop plowing snow in their most popular national park. But, that's the purpose of satire: to warn us against the extreme evils likely to result if a foolish course of action is continued (in this case, misgovernment--I'm looking at you, Senator Syzygy).
Well, I want to assure everybody that whatever problems we have on Mars, "budget cuts" aren't among them. The Royal Treasury will pay handsomely for water engineers, including full scholarships at Wandanian University for qualified students. See your local Canal Keeper for details.
I give this story only 1 Phobos; it just seemed too improbable to me.

I'm Nobody! Who are you? Are you – Nobody – too? Then there's a pair of us! Don't tell! they'd advertise – you know! How dreary – to be – Somebody! How public – like a Frog –  To tell one's name – the livelong June –  To an admiring Bog! - See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15392#sthash.JzZkeEpI.dpuf

I'm Nobody! Who are you? Are you – Nobody – too? Then there's a pair of us! Don't tell! they'd advertise – you know! How dreary – to be – Somebody! How public – like a Frog –  To tell one's name – the livelong June –  To an admiring Bog! - See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15392#sthash.JzZkeEpI.dpuf